“Beware the wrath of a kind man.”

John Dryden wrote that line (well, one similar to it) more than three centuries ago in his satirical poem Absalom and Achitophel. Dryden suggests that kind people don’t put up with personal attacks for very long.

I’d put it this way: “Kindness is fierce.”

That concept probably strikes modern readers as a bit weird. Probably because we often confuse the idea of “niceness” with “kindness” (like when we call someone “nice and kind.”) In fact, they are two very different things.

“KIND” VERSUS “NICE”

A “nice” person is agreeable. Niceness is a learned and—I think —superficial behaviour whose goal is often reducing social friction or tension. Nice people want people to like them — even if that means packing down their own feelings to do it. Nice people want acceptable and non-confrontational outcomes, no matter what it takes. Niceness, above all, is often about what YOU want—harmony, calm, and to be liked—rather than what OTHERS want.

Which, if you think about it, is dangerous. A parent who wants their kids to stop fighting and be “nice,” for example, wants appeasement, not peace. That leads to resentment or, worse, injustice.

“Kindness” on the other hand, is a value, not a behaviour. A kind person empathizes. A kind person is courageous. A kind friend will not hesitate to tell you when you are making a mistake, even if it causes an argument or hurt feelings. A kind person will stand up for someone who is vulnerable, even if standing up puts them in harm’s way. 

I was raised in a Dutch household–and my people are often accused of being brutally direct. But we don’t see that as impolite. In fact, quite the opposite. 

Kindness is “Mama Bear” energy. It is loving. But it is not “tolerant.” Not for long, anyway.

So, what does all of this have to do with communications?

THE KIND COMMUNICATOR

In communications, trust and authenticity are everything—and they are deeply intertwined.

When a brand or a person communicates with authenticity—when they are “real” in what they say and how they say it — they earn trust. For example, faced with the reality that the U.S. is no longer a reliable trading partner, Prime Minister Carney told Canadians “The old relationship … is over.” It was a shocking, frank, and plain-language statement. The kind of thing your buddy would say to you when your spouse has done you dirty. It cut through the confusion and chaos of the moment and went to the heart of what many Canadians were feeling and thinking. And within that statement is a seed of hope—that things could be better, too.

It was what we needed to hear, even if it was hard.

PRECISE AND CONCISE–KIND, NOT NICE

Being precise and concise—kind and not nice—is authentic communication. It is how we would want our friends to speak to us. It is how we would hope our leaders would speak to us. Because it is rooted in respect for other people, and caring about their wellbeing.

When you do that—not just once, but consistently and over time—you earn trust. In fact, that is the ONLY way you can earn trust. The “nice” person—or brand—who will say anything to anyone simply to preserve the peace by definition CANNOT be trusted.

A brand—or leader—without the courage of convictions doesn’t earn respect or trust.

All of this has become apparent during the Trump administration’s recent “war on woke” in the United States. Suddenly, brands like Anheuser-Busch, Ford, Lowe’s and Toyota—which used to enthusiastically support LGTBQ+ events—found excuses to back away.  Meanwhile, companies like Apple, Salesforce and Nike have refused to back down.

A brand—or leader—without the courage of convictions doesn’t earn respect or trust. If you’re a brand communicating to be “liked,” people eventually see through the facade when your words don’t align with actions, or when you say very different things to very different demographics. Anheuser-Busch, Ford, Lowe’s and Toyota were just being nice. They thought inclusion would attract customers. Getting rid of it—to satisfy MAGA and its politicians—shows that inclusion was a marketing ploy, never a deeply held value. 

This is the key weakness of “nice” brands: If you are only appeasing public opinion or politics, you are not reliable, because public opinion can, and does, turn. 

A kind brand, on the other hand, never has to worry about keeping its story straight, because that story is based in—and comes from—a set of values. And kindness doesn’t run from a fight. It wins them.

Because kindness is fierce. 

 

If you need help building and maintaining brand trust, email us at info@curiouspublic.com. We’re here to help.